Ingrimko Unwa Walks Out

Creusa Pleads with Aeneas

Jackalopes argue about whether to celebrate the holiday of Rakjangrimko (also called Ingrimko Unwa Walks Out or Ingrimko Unwa Walks Alone) on July 13th or July 22nd. Some argue in favor of a Perayu-mun Immissimgalla (a festival five days long), beginning with Rakjangrimko on the 22nd and ending with the Passeggiata of Kalkatura Pumkta on July 26th. Regardless of which date(s) you choose to honor, the story is about a woman who chooses to walk away.

Among the Inultaru, Ingrimko Unwa is a coded name for Creusa, first wife of the Trojan War hero Aeneas. Yep, that Trojan War hero, the star of Virgil’s Aeneid, son of Aphrodite/Venus, progenitor of the Roman Empire and ancestor of Julius Caesar (by way of Creusa’s son, Ascanius). Who is whose antecedent will vary depending on what Greco-Roman myth attributed to which author you read, but today we will concern ourselves with Virgil’s version, to contrast it with the story of Creusa as jackalopes tell it, the story of how Ingrimko Unwa walked out of history.

Virgil makes short work of Creusa’s life. A daughter of Priam, the last king of Troy, she marries Aeneas and bears him a son, Ascanius. She is a detail in the legends of these men, with not much of a life of her own, and the story of her death remains untold. She dies in the sack of Troy so that her ghost can appear to Aeneas and provide him the motivation to fulfill the destiny of his epic and become the forefather of the founders of Rome. In Virgil’s story, she comes perilously close to becoming a plot device we can now call “fridging”.

According to the Greek tales, Creusa was one of nineteen children born alive from Hecuba’s pregnancies, but jackalopes are highly skeptical of ancient storytellers who brag about the effortless fecundity of human mothers. The Inultaru never forgot that childbirth, persistently throughout history, was the second (and sometimes the first) leading cause of death for humans until the twentieth century, or that half of all children died in childhood, or that a woman had a one in four chance of dying from a pregnancy. In the so-called “modern age”, despite the eventual acceptance of germ theory, doctors (who were male and not at risk of dying from childbirth) were slow to change their obstetric practices, and women continued to die when they should have survived.

Creusa as Ingrimko Unwa in the stories of the Inultaru was the daughter of Priam but not Hecuba. Priam fathered many children with slaves, and one of these children of rape was Ingrimko Unwa, whose mother was one of the Inultaru, a woman named Dinyanna (although she is also called Imikku Sa or Ullissantarra). Dinyanna was a servant, confidant and friend to Queen Hecuba. Some people like to say she was some kind of royalty captured as a war prize, a queen or a princess, and that is why she was allowed to interact with Hecuba as a peer. But most jackalopes regard that as silly snobbery, and will tell you that Hecuba was wise enough to recognize that she was the property of a man as much as any slave, despite her being a queen.

Hecuba and Dinyanna became friends as most women will do when they are thrown together in a situation ruled by men. They raised their children together in the female realm of Priam’s household, in rooms and gardens filled with women and their children. According to unspoken rules (unspoken in the sense that they were discussed by women but never spoken to men yet men obeyed them, out of indifference or caution) this was a realm where no adult man was allowed to enter, not even a eunuch. A realm where the intelligence and energy of women worked their mysteries and their magicks.

When Dinyanna died in her second childbirth, her son survived her by only a few minutes. Hecuba took Ingrimko Unwa (who was less than three years old) as her own child and Priam accepted this daughter as his child by Hecuba without knowing or caring about the identity of the actual biological mother. This moved Ingrimko Unwa’s status from the child of a slave to the daughter of a king. A thing that happened so often that it was not unusual at all.

Powerful magicks of destiny were cooked up in the female realms, unseen by men, unrecorded by history.

Ingrimko Unwa became Creusa, a daughter of Priam, a child of royalty, eligible for marriage to an aristocratic hero, which was something that had to happen, whether she wanted it or not. She was a valuable piece of royal property, and when she was old enough (somewhere between sixteen and eighteen years of age) she was awarded to Aeneas according to a contract arranged by her father with the gods. Aeneas was a real hero, we know this because Virgil told us he was a real hero, and also a son of Aphrodite/Venus. This real hero promptly fucked his wife, got her pregnant, and Ingrimko Unwa was lucky enough to survive the birth of her son. She did not survive the sack of Troy according to Virgil, but we have already realized that Virgil did not know much (or did not care) about the lives of women. As far as Virgil was concerned, the women of Troy were there to wail with grief when their sons and husbands were torn to pieces by heroes on the battlefield, or to beg for mercy for their babies, then watch in horror as their babies were hurled by heroes off the battlements. They were there to be raped by heroes, to be sold as slaves to heroes, and to have their throats slit with swords by heroes.

Ingrimko Unwa did none of those things. Troy had been defeated, the enemy was within the walls and death was near. Ingrimko Unwa’s husband was arming himself and getting ready to die gloriously in a lost battle. His father, the guy who had been seduced by the goddess Aphrodite/Venus and lived to brag about it, was laying on his bed, lame, bewailing the fate that had prevented him from dying honorably in battle. Ingrimko Unwa had been busy taking care of their household, making sure the people who depended upon them, their servants and their families, had provisions and knew how to escape the city. She tried to reason with Aeneas, reminding him of his duty to protect his son and his followers, all the people who did not want to die. He would not listen to her; even Virgil admits his hero would not hear her entreaties.

So she left. She picked up her own pack of necessities and walked out. She had already sent her son to safety in the care of trusted servants who were desperate to save their own children. She had made sure that Aeneas and her cranky father-in-law knew the avenues of escape. She walked away from the great hero without looking back, in haste, eager to leave behind the mighty epic of her husband’s life. If she had known, she would have been delighted that her actions would inconvenience future poets like Virgil, who would have to make up stuff about her fate, and invent a different son for Aeneas.

In the stories jackalopes tell, the name of Ingrimko Unwa’s son was Askeltan. He founded no empires, created no dynasties, fought in no wars, and never became a hero. He had a long life, no children, many friends, enough wealth, and was as happy as he needed to be.

Ingrimko Unwa continued to walk out and drifted into the life of a wanderer. She walked across the entire known world and back, then did the same across the unknown world. She wrote many books about her travels, and all her books were lost. She walked herself out of one kind of existence into another, and then did it again. She gained a different perspective with a new pair of eyes, and after several lifetimes, she became the demmalyun* of the long and winding road.

Yost preferred the July 13th date for Rakjangrimko.

*I have been informed that this is the proper spelling for the word “demalion”. I suppose I will go through my posts and make corrections. Eventually. Maybe.

Wise King Og, Tales of the Rephaim

King Og of Bashannon appears in two of Jack Loki’s adventures, “Illimilku’s Treasure” and “Feather of a Swallow, Blood of an Owl”. Both are treasure hunts instigated by the visions of a character named Jonesy Stoneseer, a Mahquam-nanteerf of the Second House, who is also an infamous fascrinnaytor. King Og recommends Jonesy Stoneseer to Jack, telling him that the fascrinnaytor currently enjoys Lady Fortune’s good and generous favor.

“However, I must include this caveat,” warns the king. “Do not employ him more than two times. A broken clock tells the correct time only twice. Do not rely on him for a third.”

A fascrinnaytor is a person with apparently fraudulent magic or “psychic powers”, who somehow manages, by accident, by luck, by who-knows-what-mystery, to produce an end result of real value.

The Circumstance about the Acorn

Let us imagine Neil deGrasse Tyson in a classroom explaining black holes to jackalopes. Let us imagine that he tells the jackalopes there is a black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy, and there are black holes at the center of all the large spiral galaxies in our universe.

Imagine that one of the jackalopes immediately pipes up. “That’s Unxmin-noh-Galp.”

Neil deGrasse Tyson is a smart guy full of curiosity so I am sure he asks, “What is Unxmin-noh-Galp?” Maybe he does not get the pronunciation quite right the first time, but jackalopes do not get bent out of shape over things like that.

One of the jackalopes (could be Jack Loki, could be his mom, or could be a jackalope we have never met) explains to Neil deGrasse Tyson that Unxmin-noh-Galp is the acorn at the center of the universe. Neil deGrasse Tyson explains to the jackalopes that the universe has many black holes, probably 40 billion billions of them, and possibly even more than that.

The jackalopes are all nodding in fervent approval, saying things like, “Yeah!” “Exactly!” “Right on, brother!”

Their spokesperson explains to Neil deGrasse Tyson that the universe has many centers, probably 40 billion billions of them, and possibly even more than that.

The Inultaru believe there are, and have been, and will be, many universes, happening simultaneously and consecutively. A jackalope will tell you that when you pick up an acorn you hold the center of a universe in your hand.

The Chariot That Swings So Low

Happy Lantern Day!

Tolo Bongo!

Holo Kongo!

Oh Tokyo!

To-inen-wa children play Bongo-Kongo on Lantern Day, but they also play a game called Albatross Coyote, in which the playing pieces and wagers are rough cowries. I have not been able to figure out the rules, except I know that when a player shouts “Albatross!”, the other players reply with a shout of “Coyote!”.

Incomplete traces of a once-living body

I was digging around in Yost’s notebooks, looking for a page on which he had jotted down his understanding of a kind of ontological animism perceived by the Inultaru as thinnegral orshulansoom. Which we are thankfully permitted to abbreviate as thiorshu. The title of today’s post is the most succinct (and thereby my favorite) translation of the concept of thiorshu.

Yost’s notebooks are the PN (Paisley Notebook), the PMN (Peter Max Notebook), the BON (Black Oxford Notebook), the GVBS (Green Vinyl Bound Sketchbook). And now we have the TTBJ (Two Teddy Bears Journal), recently mailed to me from an anonymous benefactor. Yay!

I remember reading that the essential philosophy of thiorshu was borrowed (stolen?) by the Inultaru from the To-inen-wa. I am sure I saw the description last year during the winter holidays, and I thought the page was in the GVBS, but I could not find it. However, I did come across this description of the To-inen-wa in the TTBJ:

When Geranium Lake Properties first appeared in newspapers, I think most readers did not recognize any of the characters as the hero of the story, but eventually Jack Loki emerged as the main protagonist. We recognized him as a jackalope, and we assumed he was a member of that native American species of wildlife roaming the western United States, an amalgamation of jackrabbits and antelopes. In other words, a recently legendary cryptid invented by twentieth century taxidermists. At first, Jack Loki’s creator had no problem with this untold backstory, but eventually Yost decided to dispel that assumption. He began to weave an origin story for jackalopes in the GLP universe.

Within that universe, Jack Loki belongs to the Inultaru*, an ancient nomadic culture whose history reaches back to the Aegean Bronze Age. Traditionally, Inultaru descendants claim a vaguely North African or Mediterranean origin, tracing their lineage back to Mother Jackal and Father Antelope. The word inul means jackal, and the word taru means antelope, so they were called jackalopes in English translations since the 14th century.

So where in the ancient lore of the Inultaru do we find the To-inen-wa, the children of Aunt Stork?

That is exactly what Jack Loki asked Hoccurnan Towissakos, the Druid King, during “A Skeleton in the Cupboard of the Kulemera Lamphouse Kitchen”, when this origin story for jackalopes was first published in GLP in September 1990.

The Druid King’s answer:

*I use Inultaru as a catchall term to refer to Jackalopian ethnic identity, but I should confess this is because I am not confident in my own grammatical skills to use the word Inultarumet (the correct canonical term when referring to the species/culture as a whole) or Inultarumek (the correct canonical term for the family of Jackalopian languages). And I am not even going to touch the whole Inultaru vs. Inyultaru spelling kerfuffle.

Walking from Schengen to Fribourg

Yost had already designed several album covers for Bury Me Standing when the band asked permission to use this Geranium Lake Properties comic as the cover for their fifth album. By this time, Yost’s relationship with his distributor, The-Media-Syndicate-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (That-May-Or-May-Not-Be-Part-Of-The-Second-Biggest-Criminal-Organization-In-The-Mediterranean-Area), had grown coldly distant, when it was not intensely antagonistic. Permission was denied by the media syndicate, but Yost and the band were able to circumvent the will of their overlords.

Yost altered the design slightly and the image above is how it appeared on the front of the album. No title appears on the cover of the album, but everyone called it The Dream Spiral after the first track on the A side. The original GLP panel was part of a pilgrimage Jack Loki undertook between Schengen and Fribourg, a pilgrimage that has been traveled by jackalopes since medieval times. The Inultaru call this pilgrimage unelmien kierre, a concept that can be compared to a vision quest, but it may be more idiomatically precise to define it as “labyrinth of reveries” or just “meandering”.

Design for the back cover (the cover included no recognizable text, not even the band’s name):

Demonizing That Which Does Not Belong

Hello! Long time no see, but here I am, with my first post in an endeavor to put my unsocial media back on track.

I took time off to make a serious effort at sorting out my personal philosophy–just the usual stuff: what’s the meaning of life, why am I here, staring into the abyss, mystified by death, birth and freedom, all that jazz. I ended up with a mindscape that is as messy as it ever was, but I now feel like this blog could be a somewhat new adventure. Although it will probably look very much like the old adventure to you.

So, onward.

Today’s comic appeared in the Official Geranium Lake Properties Calendar for 2022, for the month of March (for no particular reason). It is, of course, a jackalope mask, one of the many masks devised by Jack Loki for his various roles in his harum-scarum escapades. Yost based this image on a pictorial design common to the To-inen-wa clan of Jackalopian historical lore. I am not really clear on how the To-inen-wa (a name that was translated by a scholarly yet presumably fictitious authority as “Other People”) fit into the traditions of the Inultaru. In the GLP universe, the dominant Jackalopian culture is that of the Inultaru, to the point where the name Inultaru is practically synonymous with jackalope. However, the people of the To-inen-wa have (had?) their own nation or tribe of jackalopes.

Also, what about the people of the Second House, known as the Otilem Kejik?

Oh Tokyo

Happy Lantern Day!

If your house is full of jackalope children, you are already well aware that today is Lantern Day. I imagined you were wakened by shouts of “Tolo Bongo!” and “Holo Kongo!”, or maybe even a verse, or several verses, of “The Prickly Tolo Molo Song”:

The prickly tolo molo
The prickly tolo molo
He never flies solo
He wears a tie that’s bolo
He lives in a cozy hole-oh
Oh no do you know-oh
The prickly tolo molo?

And so it goes, not quite ad infinitum, but new verses are invented every year. I am not at all certain who or what a tolo molo is, but I know he has a wife named Lolo, he is too poor to play polo, yet somehow he is able to maintain a chariot that can swing so low.

Bongo-Kongo is a simple call-and-response game jackalopes will play at any time, but on Lantern Day, children have the opportunity to play it incessantly, without adults telling them to pipe down or knock it off. Someone, usually a small child (but not always), will suddenly shout “Tolo Bongo!” Someone else, anyone within hearing distance, will respond with “Holo Kongo!” The first person to respond is the winner. If two or more people respond in unison, the first responder who then shouts “Oh Tokyo!” is the winner. A person who responds to the first call with “Holo Kongo Oh Tokyo!” is disqualified. If the shouts of “Oh Tokyo!” also happen in unison, the situation usually devolves into a game of Owe Me a Coke.

The traditional prize for the winner of Bongo-Kongo is a penny. If a person shouts “Tolo Bongo!” without a penny at hand, some kind of forfeit from the caller is required. I have talked with a few people who have told me that a kiss is the usual forfeit, but that is really not done among the Inultaru. Jackalopes have careful rules about kissing. A kiss should never be a reward or a penalty, and it should never be part of any game. Forfeits for games like Bongo-Kongo are established by the household, according to each family’s tradition. In Jack Loki’s family, the forfeit is a poem, which is a common forfeit in Jackalopian culture. If the caller does not have a penny, they have to recite a poem with at least four lines, but no more than twenty (and they are not allowed to sing the Tolo Molo song for their poem). “The Red Wheelbarrow” by William Carlos Williams is a popular choice, because it is an incredibly short poem for eight lines. According to Yost, Jack Loki had memorized hundreds of haiku and would recite three or four as his forfeit.

Maybe you have guessed that the forfeit is the real prize in the game, not the penny.

6EQUJ5

Coniferous Bonfire Scented with Copal

Guy Fawkes Night is not a holiday intuitively understood by the natural Jackalopian psyche, aside from the simple unabashed joy of a bonfire. Every jackalope is an anarchist at heart, even the most unadventurous salaryman keeps a bit of chaos alive as part of their essential spirit. Especially at this time of year, during the Procession of Entropy, when every day is a little celebration of things falling apart. Yet a jackalope will see no virtue in commemorating a bumbling terrorist who failed to blow up a king. They are unable to find anything meaningful in a holiday that was manufactured by authority to remind citizens of the political preservation of a monarchy. Human nobility is practically an oxymoron to jackalopes, who can recognize the legitimacy of a Caribbean Queen or a Prince of Thieves, but remain puzzled by the British royal family.

For a certain profession among the Inultaru, the sleight-of-hand artists known as honey-dippers, who live unobtrusively within the British Empire, Guy Fawkes Night is just another working day. The lucrative opportunities for pickpocketing are too numerous to resist.

This could be your name, No. 201

Today’s GLP comic is part of the Late Year Collection for 2021. And yes, I am aware that “Elikolcha” is misspelled on the calendar. It is actually not so much a misspelling, as it seems to have been an indecision on the part of Mr. Yost, who identified the holiday is as “Elilkocha” as often as not. I guess I could settle on one spelling or the other, even if it is wrong, for the sake of consistency. Feedback on which you like better is welcome.

Four at the Bellingham Review

“A large part of Yost’s comic was drawn in a conventional style with traditional comic strip narratives, easily recognized as a “funny animal” comic…”

Yost’s influences were Krazy Kat by George Herriman, Pogo by Walt Kelly, comics in the New Yorker drawn by Charles Addams and Saul Steinberg, Winsor McCay’s Little Nemo in Slumberland, the animations of Chuck Jones, especially the Coyote and Road Runner cartoons, and The Far Side by Gary Larson (although Larson, one of Yost’s contemporaries, occupied a somewhat adversarial relationship to Yost). If you can imagine a pastiche of all these disparate sources, you can probably envision Yost’s drawings for the earliest Geranium Lake Properties comics, with a jackalope named Jack Loki as the main protagonist. Yost developed his own distinctive style (and his creative purpose irrevocably departed from his influences) at the beginning of the second year of GLP’s run, when the artist began experimenting with abstract comics and asemic writing for dream sequences, which mostly occurred when Jack Loki embarked on vision quests under the influence of hallucinogenic substances.

I was not perfectly honest in the description for the Bellingham Review when I said I pay no mind to that part of GLP rendered by Yost as conventional funny animal comics. I don’t feature that work here in this blog, but certainly I, and my panel of experts, Ha Kim Ngoc, Michael Veerduer, Benedict Thorarinsson, Algernon and Agatha Dawe-Saffery, have scrutinized every frame of Geranium Lake Properties, attempting to make our understanding of the GLP universe as complete as it can be. I have to say, I find the more traditional narrative of Yost’s epic rather ordinary, maybe even a little boring, but that’s really the fault of my own personal taste, and not a criticism of whatever literary merit it might deserve.

(For insight into Yost’s creative process, I prefer the more piquant information gleaned from Gralie Bohe’s novel, The Boy in the Yellow Leatherette Portmanteau, a roman à clef about Yost’s life after his mysterious disappearance.)

Christopher Patton is the person who invited me to submit my work, and he picked the four GLP comics out of the eight I sent him. He also did me the great favor of editing a much-too-long essay about GLP into the brief paragraph needed for the piece in the Bellingham Review. I am very grateful he let me take advantage of his editorial skills. He demonstrated an extraordinary eye for what is essential. (Please don’t miss viewing his own work featured in the Bellingham Review, an animated short film with a keen asemic perspective.)

Two of the four GLP comics at the Bellingham Review might be familiar to you: “The Conjoined Numina of Valfad Niam and yre-Ovna” from the Cephalopod Jamboree, and “Iron Earth, Stone Water, Separate Stars” from a post during this past winter.

Paska Potkaisan Paska” is an illustration of an odd creature from Jackalopian culture who is not a native character of their myths. He is sometimes called “Potkia Paskaa”, and also called “The Shitkicker” in English. He is a personification of their view of an entity that is peculiar to human culture, an entity humans call “popular media” or “the media” or “the news”.

The offerings from Yost for Scarabaeus Day in both 1993 and 1995 have a tricky connection with the Enochian language, the language of angels revealed to John Dee and Edward Kelley in 16th century England. In each panel, you might be able to discern fragments of the letters Gal, Pa, Mals, Gon, Pal and Gon (with point) arranged in this pattern:

These represent the letters D, B, P, I, X and Y from the English alphabet. According to a theory from Benedict Thorarinsson, these letters spell out the names Galpa Malsgonpalgon and D. B. Pixy, which are code names for David Banner, the protagonist from the old television series (1978 – 1982) about The Hulk, a character from Marvel Comics. I don’t know if I am convinced of Thorarinsson’s theory, although I probably should be. Thorarinsson is an enthusiastic GLP fan with an earnest parasocial relationship with Wm. Yost. He has expressed some amazing insights into Yost’s character, plus he is a well-respected paleographer in his professional life. The character of David Banner, as depicted by the actor Bill Bixby, deeply influenced Yost as a teenager. Along with Hawkeye Pierce (played by Alan Alda in the series M*A*S*H, 1972 – 1983) and Kwai Chang Caine (a Shaolin monk played by David Carradine in the series Kung Fu, 1972 – 1975), David Banner helped to form Yost’s ideals of manhood, pacifism and the questing life.

The original post about Scarabaeus Day.

The Perfidy of Pink

Pink is such a treacherous color, it is the color of wishful thinking, of rose-colored glasses, the pink cloud is what recovering alcoholics call their brand-new sobriety (an all-too-brief phenomenon). Pink in the language of flowers symbolizes happiness, that most fickle and slippery state of emotions. Jackalopes regard pink with the liveliest suspicion, and they have all sorts of adverse reactions to it, ranging from annoyance to disgust to terror. The most fearsome monsters in their legends are pink. They would use the color to catch people’s attention–if jackalopes made warning labels, crime scene tape, stop signs and crosswalks, they would all be pink. (Jackalopes usually ignore warning labels, crime scene tape, stop signs and crosswalks, which they consider superfluous to their own senses and intelligence.)

6EQUJ5

Only One to Challenge Antiquity


The date on this GLP panel was Easter Sunday in 1996, but the comic was published on March 26th. That was the first day of Fool’s Week in 1996. This year, the first day of Fool’s Week is tomorrow, March 29th. If you share your household with a jackalope, or have friends who are jackalopes, I’m sure you are aware that a prank war will begin tomorrow. You also know that you need not fear the arrival of mail exploding with glitter, soap disguised as candy, Saran-wrapped toilet bowls, or googly eyes stuck to any and all surfaces. When you crack your eggs for your breakfast scramble, you will not discover rainbow Jello instead of the protein, fat, vitamins and minerals that make an egg a neat little package of high-quality nutrition.

According to the Jackalopian tradition for the All Fools holiday, a prank is a ridiculously lavish gift, something extravagant and useless. It can be a book for someone who already owns a library of books they have not read yet, or a bar of dark sinful chocolate from Lithuania flavored with wild Porcini mushrooms.

Or you could buy one-of-a-kind ceramics made by local potters (Jean Shinn, Charles Varni) and fill them with dirt, rocks and plants, even though you have stacks of mass produced clay pots:

It’s a bit of foolishness that you would never buy for yourself, but then you do, and then you give it to yourself. That is the Jackalopian ideal of a prank war during Fool’s Week.

Are you saying to yourself, “Wait, what kind of war is that? That’s not a war.” A jackalope will say to you, “Au contraire!” (Because speaking with a bad French accent is also one of the many traditions practiced during Fool’s Week.) “Nobody engages in a war unless it is for their own benefit. We just remove all the middlemen–and all the toil and suffering–and get right to the benefit. It is war with efficiency. It is delightful, as war should be.”

Actually, now that I think of it, Jello eggs are delightful, and making them requires patience and a peculiar set of skills. Especially if you want to make the multi-colored stripey ones, which would necessitate the purchase of at least six Jello packets of different colors. That’s fairly extravagant, and the whole thing involves a ridiculous amount of effort.


The above image is the misprint by our favorite paragon of flawed media, Newark’s Star-Ledger, and below is my garishly exuberant interpretation of today’s comic as an animated gif.

The Steadfast Amity of the Porte-cochère


We are pretty sure this is another appearance of Raro, Ileop and Plorumquith, with Plorumquith in his orchid-like form rather than his more common body, which takes the shape of a jackal (according to Michael Veerduer) or an aardwolf (the opinion of Benedict Thorarinsson).

The Amicale Porte-cochère is a dance popularly performed at Jackalopian wedding receptions; it is usually the dance that precedes the departure of the bride and groom. Apparently, the primary function of Raro, Ileop and Plorumquith as demigods in the GLP universe is to dance at weddings.

Vernal Mars


The note attached to today’s comic reminds me that Martians love the aroma of fresh-brewed coffee, and that May 15, 1985 was an earth date for the vernal equinox of Mars.

It has been a while since I posted a GLP comic with Martian context, although I have posted a wealth of kiGamnch material lately, and Martians are as enthusiastic about kiGamnch traditions as jackalopes, and have adopted many of the traditions as their own. There is a theory (favored by Michael Veerduer, GLP historian, and Algernon and Agatha Dawe-Saffery, GLP fans extraordinaire) that kiGamnch concepts originated on Mars and were exported to earth through the buoyant cultural exchange between Martians and jackalopes. This exchange probably dates back to the nineteenth century, maybe even earlier, and was definitely an elaborate and thriving affiliation by the time Edgar Rice Burroughs published A Princess of Mars in 1912.


(Some people think this is a cover from a popular Martian comics version of A Princess of Mars.)

Today is Kopje Modder Dag on the Official Geranium Lake Properties Calendar. Cup of Mud Day. Cup of Java. Cup of Joe. Today we can celebrate coffee, the rocket fuel of the modern world. Martians do not drink coffee, they brew it, with their terribly precious water, for the aroma of the fresh pot. A Martian’s sense of smell is not like ours, which is not surprising, considering that they have no mouth, no nose. They do not even have a head! Which is weird, because they still love to wear hats, so it is accepted knowledge that Martians once had heads.

I understand there might be some of you who have met Martians and will insist that they have heads, but either the person you met was not actually a Martian (a Venusian perhaps, I think they have heads) or you were not aware that Martians don elaborate gear that gives them the illusion of “headness”. Martians have their own word for the quality of headness, but since we have no biological capacity to speak Martian, they have politely rendered it into a word for human use, “umnaalom”. They think umnaalom makes humans more comfortable with their presence, plus it allows them to wear hats.

“This could be your name, no. 189”, with six variations. It could also be an asemic writing version of “umnaalom”.

I believe that the sensory information Martians receive from the scent of freshly brewed coffee includes experiences that equate to visual and auditory hallucinations for humans. Whatever the experience is for Martians, it must be phenomenal, for them to use their horribly limited supply of liquid, pure water for such an extravagant use. Yet Martians are by nature extravagant, very charmingly so. To be in their company is such a joy that a human sense of delight can become quite exhausted after a few hours. Jackalopes have more stamina for marvelous events, which must be beneficial in their successful associations with the denizens of the red planet.